Friday, 16 May 2014

People and Friends

We are human beings, in need of companionship, and care. And when we are lucky enough to get it : it breaks our heart when that is gone.

I know I should move on. I know, what is done cannot be undone.
I know, death is a part of the brief stay at this place, and I know, it hurts.

It is difficult though, to just let it go. I do everything as usual, but my heart fills up and comes to my mouth, every now and then. I still cannot listen to the song 'Zehnasseb...' without choking. Astha loved it. Akhila, well I have thought over and over and over, and now, even my tears are betraying me. I have grown rigid, I cannot instantly shed a tear, which in turn, gives more pain.

I can bear to look at their pictures and smile, looking at their bright faces; but the next thought makes me stop, and the pangs of reality strike me.

They were close, definitely, they were. And I don't want to witness the tragedy again.

I don't know what am I feeling bad about : them gone forever, myself missing them, their families and close ones missing them, or me not being able to do anything for those who loved them more than me: I think it is a mix of all the four. At times, when I get excited and crazy, I feel guilty. I should not, I think. Nobody expects me to either.

I am not sacred that I might die. I am not scared about people around me dying either. But, yes, I am scared at moments when I reflect to realize that, well, close friends are limited. They really are. I am sorry that I could not make a good friend out of everyone I meet. I am sorry that I cannot share everything with everyone, but I am even more sorry about losing friends who were once close to me.

Well... I have started believing in the law of attraction ( I guess because of the recent read of Rhonda Byrne's work, The secret). So, I am trying to have happy thoughts, enjoy so that it will attract more happiness and enjoyment. And yes, that works!